Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
