I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize