I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
