I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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