You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
