I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
