five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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