i would punch a child for taco bell
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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