Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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