I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
