Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
