Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
