I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize