I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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