you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
