i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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