So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize