i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
