I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
