i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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