Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
