So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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