I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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