She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
