so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
