AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
