just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
