dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
