he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
