Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
