so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
