i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
