Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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