I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
