if i can run in heels then i can drive
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
