your parents love me but you hate me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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