WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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