i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
