This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
