Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
