I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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