dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
they need to just BURY HIM!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
