you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
