fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
