Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
even my farts smell like vagina
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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