I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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