Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
