well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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