none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
