i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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