At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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