4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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