I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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