I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
where am i from again
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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