my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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