I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
