Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
