Whod you bang
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
