you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
