I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
