Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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