I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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