$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
