I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
