Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
