The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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